I can’t remember every detail of what happened after receiving the message from my little sister that day.
Another Surreal Moment
But just like any life-changing situation, you tend to live in the moment, almost living off the emotion and adrenaline as you try to make sense of everything happening around you.
Standing in the kitchen and receiving that Facebook Messenger message from my little sister was another surreal moment. I don’t remember exactly how long I stood there before opening it. It may have only been a few seconds, but in my mind it felt much longer. Everything had been changing so quickly that morning that I almost didn’t trust what I was seeing.
Not more than a few minutes earlier, I was consulting with my wife about the potential reasons my mother was not responding to my KakaoTalk message, and now my little sister was sending me a Facebook message? I remember looking over at Becky in complete disbelief, almost searching for an explanation that made sense. Just moments earlier, we had been preparing ourselves for the possibility that maybe my birth mother simply wasn’t ready to respond. Then, without warning, everything changed.
It seemed way too coincidental. All I could think was, Is there a hidden spy bug somewhere around here? It was almost comical, the thoughts going through my head. Looking back now, I can laugh at how irrational that sounds, but in that moment nothing about the situation felt rational. Every few minutes something happened that completely changed my understanding of what was going on.
Reality eventually hit me, and I realized it didn’t matter anymore. Whatever was happening, it was happening. I wasn’t imagining it. This was real, and I had just been handed the next step in the reunion process.
Hello, My Name Is Jeon Si-ha
“Hello. My name is Jeon Si-ha, and I am your younger sibling…”
Those were the first words of the message.
Even writing those words today gives me chills.
I don’t remember if I immediately continued reading the rest of the message or if I stopped right there for a moment. What I do remember is reading that first sentence more than once. Thirty-seven years earlier, she hadn’t even been born. She was someone I had wondered about for years. I often found myself thinking about whether I had siblings, what they looked like, what their personalities were like, and whether they even knew I existed.
Now, suddenly, my little sister was introducing herself to me.
I always knew I had siblings in Korea. I think it was when I inquired about contacting my birth mother at the age of 18 that I discovered I had two half-siblings currently living in Korea with my mom. Unfortunately, back when I was 18, the adoption agency informed me that due to my mother’s personal situation at the time, we would not be able to connect. But that’s a story for another day.
A Communication Lifeline
Coming back to the current situation, I continued reading my sister’s message. It was a message of introduction and confirmation that my birth mother had received notification from the adoption agency regarding me reaching out to her. She explained that my mother had missed me for so many years and that her heart had ached since the day I was placed for adoption. She also shared that she hoped we could connect and eventually build a close sibling bond.
This message warmed my heart and soul and gave me hope for a relationship that I never thought could exist—a relationship with my birth family in Korea.
But again, I’ve always known that my memory isn’t the best. In situations like this, I tend to live in the moment. Some people have the ability to recall every detail that happened during life-changing experiences. For me, it’s the feelings and emotions that resonate more than the memories themselves.
The feelings of excitement, joy, happiness, relief, and even a little disbelief were all present in that moment. Even though my birth mother was not replying to my KakaoTalk message, I was still receiving a communication lifeline through Facebook.
Incredible.
One Thing on My Mind
After reading my sister’s message, I immediately started writing back.
“Hello, Si-ha. I am sincerely grateful you reached out to me via Facebook Messenger…”
Living in the moment, I sent my sister a message explaining how I had received Mom’s phone number, but she wasn’t responding to my KakaoTalk message.
Sitting here writing this reflection, I actually feel bad.
Instead of truly acknowledging my sister’s message, I went straight to asking about my mother. I guess I only really had one thing on my mind at the time, and that was the worry and anxiety caused by the lack of response from my birth mother on KakaoTalk. I feel bad saying this, but everything else became a secondary concern.
Looking back now, I realize how unfair that probably was to Si-ha. She had taken the first step toward building a relationship with someone she had never met before, introducing herself to her older brother after thirty-seven years apart. Yet my mind immediately redirected the conversation back to Mom.
At the time, I wasn’t trying to ignore my sister. I was simply overwhelmed. My mind had become completely consumed by one question.
Why wasn’t Mom answering?
Thankfully, my sister understood that far better than I understood myself.
These reflection posts are my honest thoughts and feelings. In order for you, the reader, to understand my perspective, I feel it is necessary for you to understand me completely. So, this is my honest truth.
The Wrong Country Code
Getting back to the story, we continued messaging on Facebook for the next hour or so, and eventually Si-ha was able to find my KakaoTalk ID and send me a message there. As we continued communicating through KakaoTalk, I eventually discovered what had happened with my original message to my mother.
Living in the United States and having little exposure to cultures outside of your everyday norm, you have to adjust in situations like this. Little things, such as communication, can become roadblocks along the way. But when you encounter those roadblocks, you simply keep driving forward.
As Si-ha continued helping me, she asked me to send her the phone number I had entered into KakaoTalk. At first, I didn’t think much of it. I copied the number and sent it to her, fully expecting her to tell me everything looked correct.
A few moments later, she pointed out the problem.
I had entered the wrong country code.
I actually laughed.
Not because it was funny…
But because after spending an entire night wondering whether my birth mother wanted to talk to me, the real problem had been one tiny mistake that I didn’t even know I had made.
My lack of knowledge had become the very thing preventing me from communicating with my mom the entire time.
I had been sending messages to a complete stranger.
That was why I wasn’t getting a response.
All I could think was,
Wow… what a stupid mistake.
One Tap Away
But I brushed it off, entered the correct country code, and voilà… another contact image appeared.
I immediately knew it was my mom because it was the same profile picture the adoption agency had previously sent me.
I remember staring at her profile picture for what felt like forever. This time there was no uncertainty. No wondering if I had found the right person.
She was right there.
One tap away.
It was incredible to think that after thirty-seven years, the only thing separating us at that moment had been one incorrect digit.
Now, once again, reality hit me.
Just like before…
What do I say?
I deleted the message.
Started over.
Deleted it again.
This time there could be no mistakes.
This was my birth mother.
After thirty-seven years…
I was finally about to send my very first message to her.