Chapter 3.1 – Who Am I?

The Question Beneath the Surface

It is a simple question, yet often one of the most difficult to answer.

Am I defined by where I was born?

By the family who raised me?

By the culture I grew up in?

Or by the history I never had the opportunity to know?

As a Korean adoptee, I spent much of my life not actively searching for those answers, but the questions were always there, waiting beneath the surface. Some days they were quiet. Other days they seemed impossible to ignore.

Looking back, my journey to Korea did not begin when I stepped onto an airplane. It began years earlier, with a growing curiosity about my identity, my family, and the pieces of my story that remained unknown.

My First Real Exposure to Korea

As with many adoptees, the prospect of going home is often a powerful desire. It is no different for a Korean adoptee.

Growing up in my small town, I never really had a strong desire to travel back to Korea. It wasn’t until high school that my interest began to grow. I attended a private boarding school where I was introduced to students from all around the world. It was there that I met more Korean students my age and was exposed to Korean culture in a way I never had before.

Because I was a boarding student, I lived alongside many international students. I was exposed to various cultures, but naturally, I found myself drawn to the Korean students. That was my first real exposure to Korean culture and language, and it sparked something inside me that would continue to grow over the years.

A Korean Church and a Familiar Feeling

Fast forward twenty years to 2024.

On November 11, 2024, my daughter and sister-in-law decided to go to Costco for a little shopping. While we were there, my daughter was approached by two teenage girls handing out pamphlets. I remember thinking it was unusual to see teenagers handing out flyers, but the pamphlet explained that a local Korean church was hosting a Korean heritage celebration and would be serving Korean food to anyone interested in attending.

I’ll be honest—I wasn’t a particularly religious person at the time. However, the thought of eating delicious Korean food was something I wasn’t going to pass up.

So we decided to visit the church and see what this event was all about.

When we arrived, we happened to walk in during the middle of their worship service. As it turned out, the church was hosting a larger Korean church from Australia. What we had encountered at Costco was an evangelism outreach effort led by members of that church.

The service was lively. Music filled the room, people were singing, and the atmosphere was unlike any church service I had ever attended. It felt welcoming, genuine, and familiar in a way I couldn’t quite explain.

For the first time in my life, I found myself surrounded by people who looked like me.

I felt an immediate connection, and I didn’t fully understand why.

The Search Begins

After being introduced to the Korean church, the lingering questions I had carried for years began to grow into something much deeper. Seeing the members of the church and their families made me want to know more about my own family and my roots.

That December, after many conversations with my wife, I decided that I wanted to learn more about where I came from and who my biological parents were.

That was the beginning of my journey of self-discovery.

I reached out to the adoption agency in the United States. They located my file and provided me with details surrounding my adoption. Once I completed the necessary paperwork, they submitted a request to Holt in Korea for additional records.

The agency explained that the process could take a very long time—months or even years.

At that point, I had heard something similar before.

When I was eighteen years old, I had attempted to reach out to my birth mother. Due to family circumstances, we were unable to connect at that time.

Back in the present, however, the agency encouraged me to write a letter to my birth mother. They explained that if she could be located, they would find a way to deliver it.

So I wrote the letter.

I submitted additional documents and waited.

The Email in the Parking Lot

Three weeks later, I received an email from the director of the agency in the United States.

My first thought was, Wow, that was quick.

Before I even opened the email, my mind began racing.

Why had this happened so quickly?

I had been told the process could take months or years.

This couldn’t be good news.

Maybe they had discovered that my birth mother was deceased. Maybe the case had already been closed.

The thoughts became overwhelming.

I could feel the tears beginning to swell.

I was sitting in the parking lot of Market Basket with my wife in the passenger seat. I stared at the email, unsure whether I wanted to open it.

Did I want to know?

Could I handle whatever was inside?

I felt worried, excited, terrified, and hopeful all at the same time.

Eventually, I realized that opening the email was the only option, regardless of what it contained.

So I opened it.

The email read:

“We have located your mother and have sent her your letter. In response, she has written a letter back to you and has included several photographs.”

No Longer Faceless

Immediately, I felt relief.

At the same time, I felt completely overwhelmed.

Was this really happening?

Was I dreaming?

Had I actually found my birth mother?

So many emotions flooded my heart and mind all at once.

I needed to calm down, but my heart was filled with excitement and joy.

I read her letter.

Then I looked at the photographs.

For the first time in my life, I was able to put a face to someone who had remained faceless for thirty-eight years.

For thirty-eight years, my birth mother had existed only in my imagination.

I had wondered what she looked like, whether I had her eyes, her smile, or her mannerisms. I wondered if she ever thought about me and whether she had spent the years asking questions of her own.

In a single moment, she was no longer an idea, a name in a file, or a mystery from my past.

She was real.

For the first time, I wasn’t searching for an unknown person anymore.

I was looking at my mother.

And just like that, everything changed.

Stay tuned for the next part of the reunion story.